I keep saying this and asking sisters this because you need to REALLY think about what you’re saying? DO YOU REALLY want to marry a Student of Knolwedge? A Muhammad?

dawud-salafee-talibulilm:

I mean I feel sisters say these things with images in their heads of them snuggling up to a big bearded brother who wears a white thobe and two small kids on their laps. Alhamdulilah good dream? You want a man who will take you closer to your lord? You even go so far as to say you ONLY want a man who is upon the Sunnah. UPON SALAFEE, YA’NEE.

SubhanaAllah wal Hamdulilah! Beautiful dream!

But is that all it is….a dream?

DO YOU REALLY want to marry someone like An Nabi SalAllahu Alehi Wasalaam? Think about that? DO YOU REALLY want to marry a pious brother? Think about it. Look at the example of our beloved Shaykh Muqbil(RahimahuAllah) who did not even know what an aquarium was??? He thought it was a TV! So he left the house fleeing the sin!

What about a Shaykh al Albaani??? Studying books upon books of hadeeth some 12hrs a day? eh? DO YOU REALLY want to marry men, LIONS, of the Sunnah?

Im asking you, O my sisters, do you love your fashion? your make up? Your TV? Your Pictures? What will be your affair when your husband forbids the television in his house? What of the pictures quoting to you the hadeeth “The angels do not enter a house where there is a picture”?

Ya Ahkwaat fi Islaam! What truly is your want for a husband? Because if you say it is a Student! A Salafee-a true follower of the Prophet and his companions, then know it wont be easy. Then be prepared for your husband to forbid things you maybe accustomed to!

Will you disobey him because he tells you he does not wish for you to leave the house unless you are with a mahram(or due to a need)?

What about when you have NO television and he wants to go over the book of Allah, or the books of Ilm in this free time? Eh?

What truly do you know of marrying a man upon deen besides what you have concocted from too many “fiqh of love” duroos by individuals and the westernization of your ways in America, Uk, and other than them?

Do you really want a Muhammad? A Salafee? A pious man?

Or do you just want marriage.

Think about it.

Absolutely beautiful, ma shaa Allaah

"‎The heart cannot be sound, or succeed, or find joy, or be happy, or feel pleasure, or be good, or be at peace, or find tranquility, except by worshiping its Lord, loving Him & returning to Him. Even if it attains all that it can enjoy of created things, it will not feel at peace or find tranquility, because it has an inherent need for its Lord, for He is the focus of its worship, love and seeking, and this is the only way to attain joy, happiness, pleasure, peace and tranquility."

Ibn Taymiyyah (rahimahullaah)

nowandthehereafter:

There really is nothing wrong with getting married at a young age. If you’re ready then you’re ready. People who get married at a younger age aren’t any lower in social status or whatever it is than those who get married later. People should get married for the sake of Allaah - to please Him, to complete half their deen - not ‘cause they have nothing else to do! Your career doesn’t come first. This dunya shouldn’t come first. Besides, who said you can’t complete your education and get a respectable job while married? It might even help the person!

Mom's wisdom on falling in love and marrying the right person:

Love at 100.

kernel-with-no-shell:

The hardest part about love is when you’re close but not completely there.  You start saying, you know what, just give it to me.  I’ll take it.  I don’t want to wait anymore.  I’ll take a 99 on my exam.  Who’s gonna get a 100 anyway?  What’s the big difference?  1 point, man.  1 point.  But that’s when your test of understanding of destiny comes in.  Gratitude can’t exist without patience.  Patience can’t be built without trials of remembrance.  That 1 percent will chip away at you and crack you, and him or her, completely.  It doesn’t matter if it’s in one glance like it is with most people, or after years and years, like it is with a 99.  A 0 is the same as a 99 when it comes to His Plan.  There’s no difference between 0 and 99.  Accept that.  It’s not for you.  No matter if it’s a physical attraction, emotional attraction, or an attraction based on being bored and tired and just wanting company.  He wants best for you, us.  So sit back and wait.  Mature your patience.  Grow it into gratitude.  Be complete.  Maybe 0 or 99 will become 100 with time.  Maybe you need to become 100.  The only way you’ll know for sure is if you go to Him with 100 percent of your effort.  If you go to Him with 100 percent, then you’ll remember and see that you don’t need anyone else.  You have The Creator!  Why do you need anyone else?  Such a question will seem flawed if you’re at any level lower than 100.  It doesn’t matter if it’s a very deeply hidden resistance in your heart that you haven’t formed eyes to see yet, or if it’s a complete denial of His Destiny that you can see you with your own thoughts and actions.  It’s the same thing.  Not having your trust at 100 is the same as having no trust.  It’ll stay with you forever, until you surrender to Him and accept that He knows better than you.  He wants better for you than you want for yourself.

100.

Can a woman ask a man to marry her?

Question: 

Is it permissible for a woman, if she finds an upright man upon the methodology of the pious predecessors, to present herself to him for marriage; what is your advice?

Answer (Shaykh Zayd):

In reality, seeking a suitable man is something encouraged by the legislation because marital life has importance and it has effects, thus the woman seeking an upright husband is proof of her uprightness.

Therefore this woman, if it is possible for the speech to be between her guardian and the man she hopes will seek her hand in marriage then this is better. She can direct her guardian to handle her affair. If she does not have the chance to speak to her guardian then she can use an elder sister as a go-between, such as the mother or the sister and the like, so they can present this issue and desire (for marriage) in order that she does not miss out on a good man. There is no harm in this.

But if what is meant by presenting herself, is by holding a conversation, or by the means which are known today such as showing a picture or exchanging pictures, or a lot of phone calling; then this is clearly detrimental to the people.

Thus the point is, her requesting is good but it must done is respectable dignified manner not by the means known today such as the internet and the telephone.

And if it happens to be by way of the phone and he speaks to her concerning his desire for marriage then it should be one sentence only. And it is that he proposes to herand that is sufficient. As for getting carried away in conversation then this in not permissible until she becomes his wife.

Translated by: Rasheed ibn Estes Barbee

Source

Anonymous asked: assalamualaykum. i was the anon who asked you about the BGR question. Thanks for the answer. I know if he loves me he would ask for my hand but the problem is both of us are still studying and he doesnt have a stable job... so is it still wrong for us to contact?

Waalikum assalam wa rahmatu Allaah!

The best advice I can give you is to be patient and trust in Allaah. Know that whatever is meant to happen, will. No matter what obstacles are in the way. However, studying shouldn’t be a reason to not get married.. Especially if not being married is leading you into sin. I understand the money issue and I guess there’s not much you can do about it.. But if both of you want to get married, he should start saving up. Remember that the mahr doesn’t have to be a lot. In fact, a marriage with less of a financial burden is much better/blessed that an expensive one. I’m not saying get married without having any money for the necessities but remember it doesn’t have to be a lot. 

And of course if you both haven’t, pray istikhara. It will help you make the right decisions in shaa Allaah and you won’t be wasting time on something that won’t work. 

Having contact with him will be considered haram if it’s idle chat and a private conversation with the absence of a mahram. Why not get engaged until he is financially ready for marriage? That way you will be able to get to know each other a lot better and on a more serious note (with the presence of a mahram of course). 

Try to avoid as much idle chat with him as possible. Especially since you have feelings for him and desires are hard to control. Expressing your feelings and having haram conversations are very tempting when you love the person. 

The more halal you aim for, the more blessings you will receive in shaa Allaah!

In shaa Allaah that helped. Take care! :)

This is seriously what keeps me going.

forthesakeofallah:

Knowing that Allaah swt has got my back.

Knowing that He is going to take care of my affairs for me.

Knowing that He is only going to give me the best.

Wallah, just these simple thoughts keep me going, they give me strength and faith to not be depressed, over stressed and stops me from wasting a lot of time worrying; something I would be doing constantly if it weren’t for the fact that I know Allaah has a plan for me.

Things may seem impossible right now, from an insignificant human point of view. From our limited mind and limited power, many things seem impossible. But not to Allaah swt. Allaah swt is able to make anything happen. Literally anything. Don’t ever forget that.

So maybe right now it seems like it’ll be impossible to be with the person you want to be with. It may seem like it’ll never happen. And of course, that’s a depressing thought. It’s something that would deeply hurt any human being with feelings. That’s because love is something we all long for. Something we all search for, want, need, desire, everything. And that’s completely normal. So naturally, the thought of not being with that specific person is going to hurt you.

But don’t lose complete faith. This is where tawakkul (trust) in Allaah swt comes into play [as it always should]. Know that if Allaah swt wants you to be with that person, you’re going to be with them! You will end up together, no matter how impossible that may seem to you. You will be together if Allaah swt Wills it. The circumstances may not support it, but none of that matters if it’s written down that you will be with this person. Don’t ever forget that.

Now I’m not saying cling to this person and know you’ll be with them eventually.. because just as if Allaah Wills it, it’ll happen, if Allaah swt doesn’t want it to happen, it won’t. No matter how perfect things may seem. No matter how close you are to being with them, it won’t work out if Allaah doesn’t want it to. Know that. Know that if Allaah knows this person is not the best person for you, you won’t be with them. But in that case, ask Allaah swt to make you content with what you have and thank Him for giving you the best.

Because you know what? What if that person you loved and wanted so much turns out to be the worst companion and you live a horrible life? Compare that to someone else who you didn’t think you’d love but Allaah swt put them in your path and you grew to love and care for each other. Which one sounds better?

I know how hard it is to be patient sometime. I know how hard it is to feel like things will never work and khalas, it’s time to give up. I know how hard it is to want to be with someone so bad that you’d do anything for it to happen. But sometimes, it’s not worth it. The answer is, instead of following those desires, turn to Allaah. Ask Him for help because you sure need it. You need His help, so ask for it!

Point is, Allaah has a plan. For every single soul on this earth. I need to remind myself of this every single day because sometimes it gets hard and I over think which causes me to worry and stress out over something I have no control over! What a waste of time, yeah?

If Allaah wills it, nothing can prevent it. And if Allaah doesn’t want it to happen, it never will.

In the meantime, make duaa. Ask Allaah to give you the patience, trust, and strength to get through it. Patience means to accept what is happening and to not complain about it. Trust means not once doubting that Allaah swt will take care of things for you. And strength means keeping strong faith and not completely giving up.

And I ask Allaah swt to give me, and the rest of you just that. Ameen

need this here again.

allaahsavedus:

Asalaam alaykum wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatu

My sisters gave me some marriage advice, and I think this will benefit all of us, in shaa Allaah.

Even though talking to the one you’re planning for marriage with is enticing, riveting, and exhilarating, remember there is hikmah in everything Allaah ordained for us.

One sister was telling me about her process, that throughout the entire thing they never spoke. If they did, it was through halaal means (through the Wali).

And after their wedding, they would spend weeks just staying up all night and talking.

Talking.

Hours on end, laying in bed just talking to eachother, learning as much as they want to from eachother. SubhanaAllaah!

How much do our hearts yearn for that, and how many times have we turned it down for the sake of Allaah?

I know we want this, or atleast I know I do. 

I’m not trying to make anybody feel bad, I just want everybody to see the good in halaal. 

May Allaah rectify our deeds and attain us true happiness. Ameen :)

aseaofquotes:

— Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Tips For A Happy And Successful Marriage

s2mariam:

The young and excited bride-and-groom-to-be; ecstatic about the upcoming wedding and marriage and the joy that it will bring. Three to six months later, reality has set in and both spouses realize that marriage is no easy task, but one that takes a great deal of effort and patience. The following are tips for both wives and husbands, to help make the task a little less daunting, and to increase the many rewards that are possible in such a marvelous and complex relationship.

Enter the Marriage with the Right Intention and Renew this Often

Both spouses should enter the marriage with the pure intention of pleasing Allah, subhanahu wa ta’ala, in order to receive His grace and blessings. The marriage itself then becomes an act of worship and one for which both spouses will be rewarded.

Allah will be pleased with them and this will be the most critical element in ensuring peace, stability and happiness throughout the marital life. It is also important to realize that when an act of worship is continued over a long period of time, it becomes necessary to renew one’s intention often to remain on the correct path and to obtain the most benefit.

Remember that Your Spouse is also Your Brother or Sister in Islam

Too often Muslims treat other people outside the home with kindness and sincerity, but then behave in a very different manner when it comes to their own spouses. Muslims should always remember that one’s spouse is also another brother or sister in Islam and that the rights and duties that apply to the general brotherhood (sisterhood) of Islam, should also form the basis of the marital relationship. Obviously, a spouse has rights beyond these, but there should be a clear understanding of the rights of brotherhood (sisterhood) and adherence to these principles.

Do Not Hold Unrealistic Expectations

Before marriage, people often have unrealistic ideas about their spouse-to-be, expecting perfection in all aspects. This rarely, if ever, plays out in reality and can lead to unnecessary problems and concerns. We should recall that Allah, subhanahu wa ta’ala, created humans as imperfect beings, which means that many mistakes will be made throughout a lifetime. By turning the table and expecting imperfection, we will be pleasantly surprised and pleased when our spouse is much more than we ever hoped for. This, in turn, will lead to contentment within the marriage.

Emphasize the Best in Your Spouse

Since no one is endowed with all of the best qualities, emphasis should be placed on the positive qualities that a spouse possesses. Encouragement, praise, and gratitude should be expressed on a regular basis, which will strengthen these qualities and be beneficial in developing others. An attempt should be made to overlook or ignore negative characteristics, as the Prophet, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, said, “A believing man should not have any malice against a believing woman. He may dislike one characteristic in her, but may find another in her which is pleasing.” (Muslim)

Be Your Mate’s Best Friend

Try to think of what a best friend means and be one to your spouse. This may mean sharing interests, experiences, dreams, failures and upsets. It may involve understanding a spouse’s likes and dislikes and attempting to please him or her in any way possible. A best friend is also usually someone that can be confided to trusted, and relied upon. A spouse should be the kind of friend that one would want to keep throughout life.

Spend Quality Time Together

It is not enough to share meals, chores and small talk together. Spouses should also find time to focus on strengthening the relationship. Often couples get busy with their own separate tasks and forget about working on one of the most important elements in life. Quality time may be anything from having a quiet, profound conversation to going for a nice long nature walk, to sharing a special hobby or project. Both spouses should enjoy the particular option chosen and distractions should be kept to a minimum.

Express Feelings Often

This is probably a very “Western” concept and one that some people may have difficulty fulfilling, but it is important to be open and honest about one’s feelings, both positive and negative. The lines of communication should always be open and any concerns should be brought to the attention of the other spouse as soon as they arise. The rationale of this is that what begins as a simple concern may grow into a major problem if it is not addressed quickly and properly. The “silent treatment” has never been the remedy for anything.

Admit to Mistakes and ask for Forgiveness

Just as we ask Allah to forgive us when we make mistakes, we should also do the same with our spouses. The stronger person is the one who can admit when he or she is wrong, request pardon from the other, and work hard to improve his/her aspects that are in need of change. When a person is unwilling to do this, there will be little growth and development in the marriage.

Never Bring up Mistakes of the Past

It can be very hurting for another person to be reminded of past mistakes. In Islam, it is generally not recommended to dwell on the past. One may remember errors that were made so that they are not repeated, but this should not be done excessively. Certainly, as humans, we are not in the position to judge another person. Advice may be given, but not in a harmful manner.

Surprise Each Other at Times

This may entail bringing home a small gift or flowers, preparing a special meal, dressing up and beautifying oneself (this is not only for women), or sending a secret note in a lunchbox. A little imagination will go a long way here. The idea is to spice up the marriage and avoid getting into a dull routine that may negatively affect the marriage.

Have a Sense of Humour

This particular aspect can go a long way in preventing arguments and brightening the atmosphere of the home. Life is a constant stream of challenges and tests, and to approach it in a light-hearted manner will help to make the journey smoother and more enjoyable. You may also find that your spouse enjoys this characteristic and looks forward to spending time with you because of it.

Quick Tips for Discussions and Disagreements:

• Begin with the intention to resolve the issue. If both spouses have this intention and plan to consult together, it is more likely that there will be a successful resolution.
• Remember that it takes two to quarrel. If only one person chooses not to argue, there will be no argument. Generally, the one who is wrong does most of the talking.
• Both spouses should not be angry at the same time. If one of the spouses becomes upset, it is best if the other tries to remain calm and collected.
• Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire. Of course, house fires do not occur very frequently; yelling should occur at about the same rate.
• Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled. This is one of the worst things that can happen in a marriage and should be avoided as much as possible. This allows hurt feelings and thoughts to linger and generally exacerbates the problem.
• If one spouse needs to win, let it be your mate. Do not focus on winning yourself; this is the main reason that discussions tend to become heated.

(Source)

mutaalim-dawud:

Being a good Muslim will amount to being a great husband/wife.

"What is love? Love is when Khadijah (R.A) spent her entire wealth on this Deen for the Man she loved…Love is when the Prophet (S.A.W) took the glass that Ayesha (R.A) drank from and put his lips on the exact place she put her’s and then drank… Love is when the Prophet (S.A.W) had a race with Ayesha (R.A) and joked with her when she lost…Love is when Zainab (R.A) would sacrifice her most prized possession, her everything for her Husband…Real Love is not based on romance, candle light dinners and walks along the beach rather it is based On respect, compromise, care and trust"

الله-Daily Reminders-الله (via cahayahidupku)

Be the person you wish to marry.

allaahsavedus:

• pray
• fear Allaah
• lower your gaze
• don’t talk to the opposite sex
• have sabr
• be modest
• maintain consistency
• don’t backbite
• stay away from arrogance
• gain ilm
• do not speak unnecessarily 
• be humble
• maintain proper adab
• speak with knowledge
• be just
• know your obligations 
• do everything for the sake of Allaah

Be that, and you will get that in shaa Allaah.

“And women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity” [Surah An-Nur :26]